“I thought we’d never come back from that one.”
Being married is a little like the weather. There are seasons. You have a little bit of everything. There are rainy days and sunny days. There are ice storms and spring thaws. You have deep winters and fresh summers. The point being sometimes, you just have to be patient with one another.
Several years ago, my husband quit his job. He had been telling me for months that he might. I did not really believe he would. It’s not something I could wrap my head around. How does anyone quit their job without another job lined up? Or at least extensive savings? Then he came home one day and told me he was going to give his notice. I begged him to wait until I could save up some more money. Nope, he gave his notice the next day. I was angry and scared. His boss asked him to work a few more months, but he said no. He gave 30 days notice and that was that. I think he really felt he would get another job quickly. But the economy took a nose dive overnight. People were losing their jobs left and right. I was afraid of losing my own job. Fortunately, when we bought our home, I insisted we keep the mortgage low enough that one salary could pay it. That ended up being my salary.
If you have ever supported another human being, you know what I mean when I say I spent the next year and a half eaten up with stress. With the economy in the toilet and my job constantly on the line, I worried constantly. I worked in the newspaper business. A business that was profusely bleeding out. They were laying people off everywhere. They were closing huge newspapers across the country. It felt like only a matter of time before I would be getting my pink slip. I’ve lost my job before, it was frightening, but not as scary as it was at that time. Before, I knew I would be able to get another job. But at that time, it felt hopeless. I felt sure that if I lost my job, I would lose my home. To me, that is the worst that could happen to me. Where would I go with 6 cats? It scares me more than just about anything.
Finally, I simply could not stand it anymore. I told him to get a job, any job. I did not care if it was mopping floors, making minimum wage. I simply could not come home to him sitting in the same spot I left him in 8 hours before. It was driving me crazy. I think he was getting a little depressed, too. I considered divorce. But I gave it a little more time. I’m glad I did.
He did get a job. A job in his field, making decent money. I really thought we would never come back from that one. I truly had lost love for him. I think he had lost love for me, too. I allowed my fears to make me an angry, miserable person. I’m glad we made it through, though. I love him now more than ever. I also understand why he quit his job. About a year ago, my job description changed. I became so miserable that I did consider leaving without having another job. But I managed to find something else and move on.